


of wearing chapstick and learning new tricks

by softanticipation



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9445919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softanticipation/pseuds/softanticipation
Summary: Kelley thinks that they might as well practice while they're together at camp. And well, Tobin's not complaining.





	1. the one with the poptart

**Author's Note:**

> that one fic i've been talking about for ages. you know which one.

“I don’t think I’ve slept in the past 60 hours,” Tobin says, flinging herself onto Cheney’s bed with the force of a battering ram. “Jet lag is the worst.”

“That’s the candy and caffeine talking, not the jet lag,” Cheney says, gently pushing Tobin off of her right leg. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you and Casey hanging around the vending machines. What happens when you empty the thing?”

“It’s mostly Casey’s doing,” Tobin says petulantly. As much as she loves Lauren, she sometimes feels like she’s being chided by her mother whenever she does anything to raise the slightest of eyebrows. “She’s got this diet Coke addiction and it would be rude to make her go alone.”

“That definitely explains the three bags of candy I found under your pillow,” Cheney says archly, finally setting down her book and leaning forwards, staring down at Tobin with great scrutiny. “Tobin, you look like you haven’t slept in a month. What’s going on?”

Tobin shrugs, thinking of everything that’s gone on since they arrived at camp. They’ve got the U20 Word Cup coming up, and between all of the practicing and the teenage girl camp shenanigans going on, it’s been exhausting. No one’s been getting enough sleep, fueled by coffee and adrenaline, but Tobin knows that she’s in particularly bad shape. She’s not sure what’s been keeping her up at night, but hanging out in everyone else’s hotel rooms so Cheney doesn’t have to bear witness to her insomnia is her solution for the time being. 

“Is everything okay at home?” Cheney asks, and when Tobin nods resolutely, the way Lauren smushes her into the bed with a tight hug feels amazing. It comforts Tobin, helps remind her that whatever she’s struggling with will pass, and everything is only temporary. She can get through this. 

“Everything is fine,” Tobin mumbles once Cheney finally loosens her mama bear grip. “I’m doing really well. With everything.”

“Alright,” Cheney says, sitting up and smoothing out her ponytail. “Well. How about we go to dinner with everyone and instead of staying up all night with Casey and everyone else, you have a quiet early night with me?”

Tobin groans, but Lauren isn’t having any of it. 

“You need to sleep,” she says firmly. “No more movie marathons and playing Never Have I Ever.”

“We don’t even play that, Cheney!” Tobin protests, scrambling up from the bed as Lauren begins putting on a pair of sneakers. “Come on, get with the program. It’s Truth or Dare, duh.”

“How could I forget,” Cheney says rhetorically, rolling her eyes. 

“You should come with us one night,” Tobin insists, nudging Cheney with her elbow as she makes her way over to where she ditched her own shoes. She thinks it’s pointless to wear them inside the hotel, but a pair of flip flops is the least she can do to quell the constant complaining from Kelley, who seems to have a special place in her heart reserved for the hatred of Tobin’s feet. “Have fun. You and Amy should come. It’s not a bad time, I promise.”

“Amy and I do have fun,” Cheney declares. 

Tobin just resolves to try harder next time. 

Because she’s with Cheney, Tobin ends up arriving to dinner early. Normally she’s one of the stragglers, complaining about being left with the scraps of chicken and the cold vegetables, but today she’s able to load up her plate with the good stuff and dig in with Cheney as everyone else steadily fills the room. Amy ends up sitting on Tobin’s other side, and she enjoys listening to the two of them talk over her. Tobin may have a tendency to get loud when she’s with her friends, but there’s something calming about being with Cheney and Amy. She always has a good time with them, has always been close to them, and might be the third musketeer, but she’s always been the first to drift away and hang out with some of the other girls. Maybe Lauren’s right – maybe Tobin needs a quiet night in for once. 

Kelley is one of the girls to sit down across the table from Tobin, and she’s quick to get loud and create a ruckus. It’s just how Kelley is, and Tobin has to admit that she’s been a participant of Kelley’s nonsense more times than she can count. They’ve known each other for more than a few years now, and every time they hang out together it’s just like old times, like they’re still barely teenagers and giggling in the middle of the night. Really, nothing has changed. 

“Hey, Tobin, want one of my Poptarts?” Kelley asks, flinging a silver packet across the table. Tobin only barely managed to catch it by the skin of her teeth, fingertips fumbling as she laughs and registers the disgruntled look on Casey’s face. 

“You promised me that!” Casey exclaims, slamming her silverware down on the tablecloth. “What the hell, O’Hara?”

Kelley snickers as Cheney calmly takes the packet from Tobin. 

“Come on, Kelley,” Cheney says. “Don’t tease Casey like that.”

“Thank you, Cheney,” Casey says gratefully, reaching a hand across the table. “I was really looking forward to that. Kelley’s been hoarding all the s’mores ones, which you know are the best.”

“Not so fast,” Cheney says, ripping the silver packaging open. “I’ve been exercising a lot of self-control in preparation of access to Kelley’s food stash. I’m keeping this baby for myself.”

Amy laughs loudly while Tobin joins the rest of the table in groaning, watching Cheney break off a piece of crushed pastry and grin at everyone as she eats it. 

“This is so unfair,” Kelley says, staring at Cheney with a forkful of salad halfway to her mouth. “It was not meant to end this way.”

“You should have just given it to me in the first place!” Casey hisses, hitting Kelley in her bicep.

Kelley glares at Casey. 

“It was for Tobin,” Kelley says, smiling saccharinely at Tobin from across the table. It’s a funny smile, one that Tobin isn’t used to seeing. 

“I’ve probably had enough junk food today,” Tobin admits, looking down at her plate to avoid Kelley’s gaze. She can’t help but sneak another look, though, one that she feels down to her toes. It’s like Kelley can see right through her, and for someone who’s normally remarkably unobservant, Kelley seems unfairly aware of how uncomfortable she’s making Tobin. “If I’m going to be honest. Cheney, I hope you’re enjoying that.”

She means for Cheney to speak up and steer the conversation in a different direction, but before she can, Kelley’s determinedly continuing on. 

“Maybe tomorrow,” she suggests, a mischievous sparkle in her eye that Tobin doesn’t want to be intrigued by. “Save your sweet allowance for me, okay?”

“Okay,” is all that Tobin can say before finally someone comes to her rescue, in the form of Allie swinging around her blonde ponytail and whining about not having been saved a seat. 

It’s weird, and Tobin isn’t exactly sure what’s going on. After dinner she takes a long shower and tries to shake it all from her mind, but she can’t get rid of the visual of Kelley smiling at her in a way that she never has before. Cheney showers after her, heading into the bathroom with a towel and threats of what she’ll do if Tobin sneaks off. She doesn’t need to bother – Tobin isn’t going anywhere. Instead she pulls out the knitting supplies shoved down in the bottom of her suitcase. She’d initially meant to pull them out earlier in the trip but hadn’t gotten a chance to, being busy with the girls the entire time. 

Tobin’s still new to this, fumbling with the soft knit balls of yarn. She might have been a little ambitious with this, she thinks, playing with the dark blue and wondering if a blanket would have been easier than the cute beanie she’s attempting. When Cheney comes out of the shower and laughs, Tobin pouts. 

“I’m trying my best!” she protests when Cheney picks up her work to examine. 

“Tobin, Cinderella’s mice could have done a better job,” Cheney says, holding back deep belly laughs.

“Cinderella’s mice were magic mice,” Tobin grumbles, trying to snatch her knitting back. “They had an unfair advantage over me. All the instructions are for right-handed people which puts me at a distinct disadvantage here.”

“Just flip it all, switch it around,” Cheney says, rubbing at her hair with a towel. “Haven’t you been doing that your whole life, anyway?” 

The comment, however innocent it might be, makes Tobin’s stomach do backflips. Her fingers slip, and the time it takes to right the knitting needles in her hands is spent hiding her embarrassed face from Cheney’s view. Thankfully, Lauren seems too worried with sifting through her nighttime things to pay attention to her. 

They end up watching Lauren’s choice in television for an hour or two, Tobin splitting her attention between knitting and responding to Cheney’s comments about the show. It’s something gossipy that she probably watches with Amy normally, and Tobin spends the entire time squirming in her bed and feeling restless. They’ve been at camp for a few days now and she’s been avoiding the problem for the most part, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still bothering her. Keeping busy seemed like it was working, but now she’s stuck winding down with Cheney and it’s all come flooding back.

Tobin doesn’t want to relive it. She knits and picks at her stitches, far more meticulous than usual. She talks to Lauren, keeping herself occupied and her mind off of the way Kelley had acted at dinner. She doesn’t know why this is sticking with her. Things don’t usually bother her, she’s pretty good at getting over most things, but she can’t let this go. It’s stuck with her since last camp, and Tobin manages to keep the memories at bay just enough to keep going. 

But then Cheney turns off the tv and starts to lay down in bed, and Tobin wishes she’d snuck out while she had the chance. She wishes that she wasn’t still wide awake, Cheney asking if it’s okay to turn the lights off while Tobin’s mind is still running a million miles an hour. 

“Yeah, sure,” Tobin answers softly, pushing her hair out of her face and momentarily feeling like she’s really present, like she’s here in this room and not mostly in her own head. “Just let me put this away.”

So Tobin stashes her knitting back at the bottom of her bag before climbing back into bed and getting under the covers. 

“Goodnight, Tobin,” Cheney says softly, switching off the light between their beds and sinking the room into darkness.

“Night, Cheney,” Tobin says back, turning on her side towards the wall and closing her eyes tight, like it might help her fall asleep fast enough to ward off the barrage of thoughts she’s so unwilling to deal with. 

“I’m here if you need me, Tobin,” Lauren says, just as soft and just as gentle as ever. “I’m your friend, remember?”

“I know,” Tobin mumbles. “Thank you.”

Cheney falls asleep quickly, something Tobin can tell by the way her breathing evens out and slows. They’ve shared rooms more times than Tobin can count, and she knows her well enough to know when she’s fast asleep. Knowing that Cheney isn’t awake anymore though is disconcerting, and every last shred of self-control Tobin possesses is lost as she finally gives into the memory from a few months ago, at the last camp they’d all gone to together. 

*

It’s cold outside and half the girls are bundled up in parkas, complaining about the wind chill as they slip on gloves and beanies and crowd together for warmth. Tobin is a bit of an exception to the rule, wondering exactly how cold blooded she is as she goes about her warm up in just a jacket. Sure, her fingertips are half frozen and the tip of her nose is numb, but she’s given into a hat just to prove that she is in fact a human and not the reptile that Kelley is accusing her of being. 

“You’re like an alligator,” Kelley says, shivering on the spot as Tobin dribbles circles around her. 

“I don’t think it works like that, Kell,” Tobin tells her. “Pretty sure being cold blooded means I’d be having a hard time with the weather like you are.”

Kelley pouts.

“How would you know more about alligators than I do?” she challenges. “I’m the one who lives in the south, not you.”

“I went to school, just like you,” Tobin reminds her. “Remembered a few things. By the way – I’m pretty sure standing still like that isn’t going to help you any. You’ve got to get moving, get the blood pumping.”

“Yeah, sure,” Kelley drawls sarcastically as her hair whips around her face in the wind. She keeps pulling at the strands with her thick, gloved fingers, trying to brush them out of her face to no avail. “That’s exactly what I want to be doing.”

“We’re here to practice,” Tobin says, stopping with her foot on the ball as other girls slowly begin to moan and groan as they’re forced off the sidelines. “Or at least, I’m here to practice.”

“I’m cold,” Kelley whines as she leans in towards Tobin, shoulders hunched in to protect her from the elements. “I’m used to the sun, Tobin.”

“I know,” Tobin says, eyes tracing the freckles on Kelley’s nose, visible now that she’s standing close. “But you can do this.”

“And what if I can’t?” Kelley says, and there’s something leading in her tone.

Tobin shrugs, and it’s like her hands are operating separately from their control center as they reach up, pulling strands of hair away from Kelley’s chapstick-slick lips.

“You looked a little silly with all that hair in your face,” Tobin explains as a smirk comes over Kelley’s expression. “Now come on. Be my drill partner?”

Kelley complains loudly but agrees reluctantly, protesting weakly as she kicks at the ground with her cleats. 

“You always make me look like an idiot,” she bemoans as they join the rest of the girls, gathered around their coach in a circle. 

“Not true,” Tobin says, trying to be helpful. “You’re good, Kelley. Very good. I just can’t help that I’m better.”

She shrugs as she says it, and Kelley wastes no time in shoving her sideways. Tobin cracks up silently as she crashes into Allie, who glares at her warningly before pointedly looking back at their coach. 

Eventually, Kelley and Tobin are left to their own devices. Well, not exactly. They’re supposed to be running drills like everyone else, but they’re partnered up at the end of the pitch and there’s more trash talk going on than anything else as Tobin refuses to let Kelley steal the ball away.

“You’re such a ball hog,” Kelley huffs in frustration, the cold weather forgotten as she attempts to slide a leg between Tobin’s. Tobin laughs at that, making a clean getaway and leaving a determined Kelley in her wake. 

“You didn’t have to be my partner,” Tobin reminds her. 

“I think you might actually make me better,” Kelley grinds out, eyes locked on the ball. “I might suck next to you, but believe it or not, I’m better than most of the other girls out there.”

“I keep you on your toes,” Tobin says cheekily.

“That you do,” Kelley says, pausing for a second to wipe sweat from her brow. “But I keep you on yours too.”

Tobin isn’t sure if she pauses or if Kelley genuinely outplays her, but suddenly the ball is no longer at her feet and Kelley is juggling it a few feet away with a cocky smile on her face. She narrows her eyes at her, thinking that if this is how Kelley wants it, then this is how it’s going to be. 

“I’m going to get you,” Tobin tells her. 

“I’d like to see you try,” Kelley responds confidently. 

From then on it’s a sweaty game full of the two of them trying to best each other, but there’s no clear answer by the time practice is over and they’re being called in. A small voice in the back of Tobin’s head wonders if maybe Kelley had been holding back on her in the beginning, but she shakes that off quickly and tells herself that Kelley wouldn’t do that. They’re all real competitors here, people that don’t know how to hold back.

On the van ride back to the hotel, Kelley and Tobin end up squished together in the very back row with Casey and Kling. It’s a tight fit and Kelley is nearly on top of Tobin, her thick parka still on and creating more of a claustrophobic effect. It’s overwhelming Tobin, with how much she can smell Kelley’s sweat and shampoo, along with the fact that she’s not quite over how good Kelley has gotten. She’s worked up and the way Kelley is shoved up against her isn’t really helping at all. 

It’s not often that Tobin gets worked up like this, and she’s not sure she likes it. She’s not quite used to the way she’s feeling, the way she can’t stop tracing Kelley’s jawline with her eyes and wishing she would go ahead and take the damn parka off. 

Back at the hotel, Amy and Lauren invite her to their room for a movie once they’re all showered. Tobin nods and agrees, making them promise not to start without her. She finds herself hanging back to talk to their coach about what she’d been doing during practice – she insists that her and Kelley make each other better players, and they’re leaving tomorrow anyway so they should be afforded a bit of fun – and when she gets to the elevator, she’s quickly joined by Kelley who is making her way out of the restrooms. 

“Drank too much water,” Kelley explains. 

“You’re still wearing that ridiculous parka,” Tobin says, quirking the side of her mouth as she scratches at the back of her head. 

“It keeps me warm,” Kelley says defensively.

“We’re inside.”

“I’m from Georgia!” Kelley cries out.

Tobin grins at her, just so Kelley knows that she doesn’t mean anything by her teasing. 

Tobin likes Kelley. She’s an awesome friend and she’s funny and is always good for a stash of food from home. They’ve known each other for a while and it’s nice, the rapport they have going whenever they see each other. It’s easy to lose touch in between camps, especially now that they’ve been so caught up with college plans and everything. 

“Heard you might be going to Stanford,” Tobin says. “You little stud.”

“Oh stop,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “UNC has apparently been begging for you so it’s not like you don’t have something to brag about.”

“I would be a nice asset to their program,” Tobin hums as the elevator doors open.

“You’d be a nice asset to any program,” Kelley says, following her in.

Tobin leans against the back of the elevator as Kelley pushes the button for the fourth floor. 

“I’m kind of a nice asset anywhere, aren’t I?” she says. 

Kelley glances at the elevator doors as they begin to close. 

“Tobin?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

Tobin is about to ask why – to push Kelley a little further, to make some comment about how it’s a pity they won’t end up at the same place – when suddenly Kelley is right in front of her, hands pressed to the wall above Tobin’s shoulders as the doors ding shut. 

She knows it’s happening a solid few seconds before it happens, but that’s because Kelley hesitates. It’s like she’s looking for a go ahead, some kind of sign that this is okay and Tobin’s been reading the signs the same way she has. Tobin is terrified – she’s never done this before, never really kissed a girl and she suddenly has a very strong feeling that Kelley has – but she nods minutely and closes her eyes, breathing heavily and waiting for Kelley to seal the deal. 

Kelley kisses her, her lips soft but cold from the dropping temperature. It’s a little messy as they try to align their mouths together but when they finally get it right, with Kelley’s bottom lip caught between Tobin’s, it’s worth the awkward fumbling. Tobin lands a hand on Kelley’s waist, unable to feel anything through the parka, but it makes Kelley lean further in to the kiss and press a hand to Tobin’s cheek, holding her there. 

It’s not long, just long enough for the elevator to open on their floor. Kelley backs away slowly, moving just far enough to hold the doors open as she licks her lips and then grins at Tobin who feels paralyzed. 

“Kell – “

“Come on out here,” Kelley interrupts, motioning out into the hallway. Tobin follows, more than wary of what Kelley is up to. 

Once they’re in the hallway and the elevator doors are closed Kelley sends pointed glances down either end of the hallway before turning to Tobin. 

“This is okay, right?” she asks. 

“Yeah, but – “ Tobin starts to say but Kelley doesn’t give her time to finish speaking before she’s kissing her again. 

This time, Tobin is prepared. 

Kelley doesn’t waste any time, diving into the kiss with reckless abandon. She’s got her hands on Tobin’s waist to keep them steady as they stand in the middle of the hallway with Tobin swaying a little due to the force of the kiss. Tobin gives it back to Kelley, finding her footing with a hand on Kelley’s arm. She’s a little taller than Kelley but not enough so that it’s difficult for them to kiss, instead their lips lining up in a way that allows Kelley to go ahead and sneak out a tongue that smooths along Tobin’s bottom lip. 

It’s a quality kiss. A plus, if Tobin had to give it a grade. Kelley tastes like sweat and her chapstick and it’s nice, something slightly feminine that Tobin thinks she could get used to. She can only pray that Kelley feels the same way because Tobin doesn’t want to stop. Thankfully Kelley seems to like it just as much, gently coaxing Tobin’s mouth open with her own until they’re just standing there, making out in the middle of the hotel where anyone could come up and see them at any time. 

Perhaps that why Tobin stops, because as much as she doesn’t want to, she can’t shake the thought of the coaches coming up or the girls coming out of their rooms and seeing them under the horridly bright fluorescent lighting. As amazing as it is to kiss Kelley – really, Tobin is kind of marveling at how good Kelley is at this and a little insecure as to what Kelley thinks of the whole thing – Tobin isn’t sure that she wants this to leave the two of them for the time being. It’s new and Tobin is sure that as soon as she sits down and thinks about this, it’s going to feel a little scary. 

Usually she’s pretty good at going with the flow, but this seems like something that she might actually have to deal with. 

“That was something else,” Tobin says once they’re separated and Kelley is looking at her with a scrutinizing gaze, like she’s trying to figure something out. 

“Pretty nice, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Tobin says, hating the way her voice almost cracks in the middle of the word. 

“Thank god I was reading things right,” Kelley says, and she almost sounds cocky. “I know you’ve been staring at me during practices.”

That manages to bring Tobin back to normal again, and she’s promptly rolling her eyes and delivering a smart retort. 

“Like you haven’t been staring at me?” Tobin counters. “It can’t be a coincidence that we’ve been partners almost this entire camp.”

Kelley flushes such a deep red that Tobin almost feels bad for her.

“Shut up,” Kelley says tossing her ponytail over her shoulder and jerking a thumb down the hall. “We should probably get back to our rooms before our roommates start looking for us.”

So they separate.

*

The next morning, Tobin’s palms are sweating and she’s pretty sure she’s never been so anxious in her life. She’d been dreaming all night, dreams of running from monsters and villains and constantly tripping all over herself. She’s not stupid enough to wonder that the dreams mean, but they’d made for a restless sleep and as a result she’s downed three cups of coffee by the time they make it to their post-breakfast meeting. Jittery and tired isn’t a good look on Tobin, and she only feels worse when she gets there late enough to be forced into a seat up at the front and away from all her friends. 

Of course, the only person later than her is Kelley, who slides into the seat next to her so casually that it’s like nothing ever happened between them.

“Hey,” Kelley whispers cheerfully as the powerpoint screen comes to life. “Missed you last night.”

“I hung out with Cheney,” Tobin explains, and Kelley nods in understanding. 

“Do you think we could maybe talk later?” Kelley asks her voice still low.

Tobin’s brain freezes for a second.

“Be partners with me during conditioning,” Kelley tries to persuade her. “We’re camp buddies, aren’t we?”

Kelley has basically ignored her since the kiss with the exception of yesterday at dinner, but she has a point. For the most part, they’re camp buddies. So Tobin nods, earning herself one of Kelley’s bright smiles in return. 

“Cool, cool,” Kelley says as she gets comfortable in her chair. “Awesome. Can't wait.”

Tobin’s stomach churns, and she’s regretting the coffee more than ever as their coach begins talking to them. 

For once, she almost doesn’t want a meeting to end.


	2. the one with the notebook

Being partners is something that requires at least a minimal amount of trust, something that Tobin has to begrudgingly admit she still has where Kelley is concerned. They haven’t known each other this long for nothing, and she lets Kelley spot her during weight training without so much as a single protest. Everything is upbeat and the music pumping through someone’s speaker has everyone buzzing with energy. It’s hard to stay mad and frustrated with Kelley, but Tobin knows that they’re not done with things. 

Somehow, she knows that the kiss wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t a one off, it wasn’t a mistake. No matter what happens from here on out, she knows that Kelley kissed her with purpose and intent, like it was something she had been thinking about. 

Tobin knows this because she knows. She knows what it’s like to think about kissing someone but not to know whether you should or not. She knows what it’s like to be curious and she’s familiar with the need to find out if what you’re feeling is worth it. Tobin had wanted to kiss Kelley just as much as she’d wanted to be kissed by Kelley, and part of her is almost thankful that Kelley had manned up enough to go ahead and kiss her first. 

However, the issue still stands. Kelley had kissed her and then left her without another word and it’s bothering Tobin. Mostly it’s bothering her because she really, really wants to try it again. 

When they finally break for a short while and Kelley starts guzzling water without so much as a glance at Tobin, Tobin feels desperate sweat prickling along the back of her neck and she knows that it’s definitely not from all the exertion. She’s not used to feeling out of control like this, not used to handing the upper hand over to anyone else, but Kelley is clearly the one holding all the cards here and Tobin isn’t sure of what to do about it. 

So she decides to speak up. Confrontation isn’t her style, and it leaves her feeling uncomfortable, but she figures that something has to be done here. 

“You wanted to talk to me?”

It’s casual – at least Tobin thinks so. She’s not prepared for the way Kelley chokes on her water, spluttering and coughing in a way that attracts attention from way too many of their teammates, and even a coach or two. Tobin feels annoyed as someone suggests CPR but refrains from pointing out how unnecessary that is, instead handing Kelley a towel to wipe the water off of her. 

“Are you okay?” she asks, once the little crowd has dispersed. 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Kelley says with a grin. “Sorry, you just caught me off guard there.”

“Sorry,” Tobin says, but she isn’t really. “I just figured, since you said you wanted to talk…”

She lets her words trail off, hoping that Kelley knows what she’s trying to say. 

“Oh,” Kelley says, tossing her ponytail around. “Well, I figured we could maybe talk a little later. Without everyone around to distract us, you know?”

Tobin frowns as their break is called to an end. She’s frustrated and impatient and it shows as she goes through the motions, putting something extra into every exercise. By the end of it all she’s got sweat pouring off of her and it feels good, but it leaves her dissatisfied. Normally a workout like that would have her exhausted but full of sweet relief, rather than on edge and ready to go again. She knows that Kelley is the problem, and that’s what bothers her more than anything. 

She’s starting to think that maybe they’ll never talk this out. That it’s going to linger between them and spoil their friendship, just the way Tobin didn’t want it too. There’s no reason they can’t kiss and talk about it and still stay friends. Right?

Kelley suggests coffee once they’re finished working out, and Tobin accepts readily. Casey makes a huge deal out of not being allowed to tag along and Lauren eyes Tobin with something akin to suspicion, but Tobin ignores all of it and follows Kelley to the little café built into the first floor of the hotel. 

“This one’s on me,” Kelley says graciously, and something about the gesture ticks Tobin off. 

“I can get my own coffee,” Tobin grumbles, stuffing her money back into the waistband of her shorts. 

“Let me do something nice for you,” Kelley says, too sweet in a way that makes Tobin even more annoyed. 

“I can get my own coffee,” Tobin emphasizes. “I don’t need you to get it for me.”

“You can get it next time,” Kelley says, and she says it nicely but the tiny eye roll gives her away. 

“Who says there’s going to be a next time?” Tobin asks, and she shrugs, but it doesn’t come across as casually as she’d like it to. Kelley narrows her eyes at her, but then her face relaxes as her posture does and instead of being reassuring, it’s worrying. 

“Maybe there won’t be,” Kelley says, and she pulls off a shrug nearly as well as Tobin can. “I mean, I thought I’d be able to kiss you again, but maybe that’s not happening either.”

Tobin clenches her jaw to keep it from dropping, and she isn’t happy about this. She doesn’t like the way Kelley is making her emotion turn a 180 constantly, and she couldn’t be more pissed about the fact that Kelley seems to have gained the upper hand completely. In a desperate bid for control, Tobin frowns and tilts her head to the side in confusion. 

“Why would that happen again?” she says, hating herself for putting this much thought into anything. She’s never been so worried about anything in her life, but suddenly she’s panicking. Things feel unbalanced and she’s insecure and she’s thinking things through more than ever.

It does the trick though. It slices through Kelley’s cool exterior, and Tobin can see her getting flustered as they retrieve their coffees and doctor them up before sitting down. 

“I thought that’s why we were going to talk,” Kelley says, cheeks red and obviously trying to keep herself under control. 

“I didn’t know we needed to talk about it,” Tobin says, and she’s lying through her teeth but something about gaining some semblance of control in this wild situation is reassuring to her. 

“We kissed,” Kelley says. 

“You kissed me,” Tobin corrects her, because at least this is true.

Kelley gapes at her and Tobin almost feels bad for her. 

“I thought you wanted to kiss me,” Kelley says, and her tone is imploring, begging Tobin to understand. “And come on, you kissed me back!”

“What else was I going to do?” Tobin asks, and it’s mostly rhetorical. 

“You wanted to kiss me too,” Kelley says, and part of it is stubborn but part of it is also insecure. 

“You wanted to kiss me,” Tobin states. 

It’s a fact, something that Kelley can’t deny. Tobin watches Kelley chew on her lip and fiddle with the lid of her coffee cup, clearly thinking hard about what to say next. 

“I wanted to kiss a girl,” she finally says, looking up and meeting Tobin’s eyes. It’s almost surprising, how vulnerable Kelley looks as she admits this, but it’s not unwelcome. They kind of need this, Tobin thinks. They need to be open with each other in order for this to be anything at all. “And I thought about it and thought about it, and I thought maybe you wanted that too.”

Tobin is angry, she realizes. She’s angry that Kelley thought about this and made a decision for her. She’s angry that Kelley kissed her and left her to think about it, left her confused and worried about what happened and what it meant. 

“I didn’t really know that I wanted it,” Tobin says quietly. 

Kelley’s mouth trembles and she hangs her head before peeking at Tobin. 

“I’m sorry,” Kelley says, shame creeping into her voice. “I thought you knew. You just seemed so confident and sure of yourself all the time, and I caught you staring a few times, and I know you’ve never really had a boyfriend or anything – “

She cuts herself off, looking sufficiently embarrassed. 

“I’m sorry,” she repeats.

“It’s okay,” Tobin says, not wanting Kelley to feel this bad about the whole thing. “I mean, I did want it. But I was still kind of in the middle of admitting that to myself.”

“Oh god,” Kelley wails, burying her head in her hands. “I’m sorry, Tobin. I fucked up.”

Tobin almost wants to laugh.

“It’s okay, Kell,” she tells her. “I’m not that bothered by it. I kind of liked it. Remember?”

Kelley peeks at Tobin through her fingers. 

“You sure?”

“I’m sure,” Tobin confirms. 

Kelley takes a moment to gather herself, taking a few slow sips of coffee and breathing deeply before she speaks again. 

“So are we okay then?” Kelley asks.

Tobin hesitates, something that Kelley catches instantly. 

“What else?” she demands, and when Tobin cringes a little, Kelley noticeably scales back. “Is there something else?”

“That’s better,” Tobin comments. “You’re so aggressive, Kell.”

Kelley grips her coffee tightly. 

“You were the one who wanted to talk,” Tobin reminds her. “What did you want to talk about?”

“You first,” Kelley says. “What else is bothering you?”

Tobin sighs. She really doesn’t want to come out and say it, but she does it for the sake of herself and their friendship. 

“You kind of kissed me and then left me,” Tobin admits, “without saying anything. Without any kind of follow up. That felt a little weird.”

“I didn’t know what to say,” Kelley says. “That’s why I asked to talk today. Because I figured it was time to follow up.”

Tobin drinks her coffee in lieu of saying anything.

“Tobin, talk to me,” Kelley says urgently. 

“I’ve been talking,” Tobin points out, and Kelley sulks for a moment before continuing. 

“Okay, okay,” Kelley says, rolling her shoulders and cracking her neck. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done it like that.”

“You think?” Tobin says sarcastically, earning her a glare that does nothing to temper her irritation with the situation. 

“Should I have asked you first, though?” Kelley asks. “Would you have said yes?”

“Maybe.”

“You wouldn’t have,” Kelley says, shaking her head vehemently. “You would have acted like I was crazy, even if you wanted me to kiss you. I had to do it like that.”

“You weren’t thinking of me at all!” Tobin protests, sitting up straighter and leaning in towards Kelley. “You were only thinking about what you wanted!”

“I thought you wanted it too!” Kelley says, her voice rising. “Okay? I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“The right thing would have been at least talking to me about it afterwards,” Tobin says bitterly. 

“You need to stop being mad at me for something I can’t change anymore,” Kelley says stubbornly. “I can talk about it with you and apologize, but I can’t do anything differently. I’m talking about it with you now. Move past what’s already happened, or else this is useless.”

Tobin sits and fumes for a few minutes, turning Kelley’s words over and over in her mind and trying to figure out exactly what to say next.

“I didn’t know I wanted to kiss a girl until you kissed me,” Tobin says, the first bit of true vulnerability she’s shown, and it somehow feels more freeing than anything she’s said or done so far. “So yeah, I liked it. But I thought about it afterwards, and I don’t know, I felt a little violated. Like you kissed me without caring to figure out how I’d feel about it. I feel like you should maybe have talked to me about it beforehand. Instead of after.”

“Well,” Kelley says, and it’s a little suggestive, “I’m talking to you about it now.”

Tobin can’t help the small smile that her lips curve into. 

“Yeah, you are.”

“So if I’m talking to you about kissing you, would you be okay with me kissing you?”

Tobin pretends to think about it, drinking the last of her coffee and internally weighing the benefits and drawbacks when really, she already knows what she wants. 

“I might be okay with that,” she says finally. 

“Good to know,” Kelley says slyly, settling in her seat and grinning widely. 

“So was this what you wanted to talk about?” Tobin asks. 

“Basically,” Kelley answers. “I mean, we’re friends, you’re hot, and I like kissing you.”

“Thanks, Kell.”

“You’re welcome,” Kelley says like a true smartass. “You can return the compliment anytime now.”

Tobin just raises her eyebrows at Kelley who makes a face at her in return. 

“I think we’ve got to get back soon,” Tobin says, checking the digital watch on her wrist. “Make sure we get to eat before we head out to practice.”

“These two-a-days are going to kill me,” Kelley says, groaning loudly.

“You’re going to be fine,” Tobin tells Kelley. “You know you’re one of the fittest ones here.”

“You been keeping an eye on me?” Kelley asks, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Keeping an eye on the competition,” Tobin corrects. “I can’t have you beating me in any competition.”

Kelley is grumpy all the way to the team lunch, but it’s worth it for the look on her face that has Tobin laughing until Cheney finally finds her and asks what’s up.

*

She must be in a noticeably better mood for the rest of the day, because once they’re all showered from a tough practice and relaxing at a late dinner, Cheney doesn’t seem as concerned. It’s someone’s birthday and supposedly one of the coaches is out getting them ice cream to celebrate, and Tobin lounges in her chair as all the girls at the table speculate about what flavors they want. 

“I just want whipped cream,” Amy says, earning snickers from around the table that Tobin rolls her eyes at. 

“Chocolate fudge,” Casey says. “That would be awesome.”

“Chocolate ice cream,” Tobin says mindlessly, leaning her head on Cheney’s shoulder. The night is young and they have their first free day tomorrow, which means that everyone is inevitably going to stay up too late and then insist on waking up early to make the most of their day. 

“I like vanilla,” someone else says, prompting a rather violent argument over whether vanilla is a legitimate favorite flavor. 

“How are you doing?” Cheney asks, running a hand through Tobin’s still-wet hair. “Better?”

“Better,” Tobin confirms. “Thanks. I think I needed a night in.”

“Does this mean you’ll be keeping it chill again tonight?” Lauren asks, and Tobin laughs a little. 

“I think we’re all going to try and play poker in Kelley’s room,” she admits. “You should come. None of us know how to play but Allie and we can’t let her win. Besides, you probably have a good poker face.”

Cheney looks amused at that.

“I’ll think about it,” she tells Tobin. “Maybe if Amy goes. I’d just feel bad about stealing everyone’s money.”

“We’ll have a good time,” Tobin tries to persuade her.”

“Maybe,” Cheney repeats. “Now get off of me.”

“Why?” Tobin asks indignantly. 

“Because the ice cream is here,” Cheney says impatiently. “And I don’t feel like fighting these monsters for the first scoops.”

“You’re not even the birthday girl,” Tobin says, scrambling up from her seat right after Lauren. 

Of course, in typical Tobin fashion, she ends up getting called back by someone and she’s powerless to resist, ending up at the back of the line with the stragglers. As she’s scraping up the last melted bits of the chocolate ice cream, she feels a hand on her upper arm. It’s just Kelley, with narrowed eyes directed at the ice cream scoop.

“I wanted chocolate,” Kelley says. 

“You should have gotten in line earlier,” Tobin suggests. 

Kelley frowns, but then nudges in closer to Tobin. 

“What are you doing tomorrow,” she asks, voice low. 

“I don’t know yet,” Tobin says with a shrug. “Haven’t decided. I heard something about a bunch of us going downtown, but I don’t know how legit that is.”

“Want to stay back with me?” Kelley asks, raising her eyebrows significantly.

Tobin hesitates, dropping the scoop in the carton and licking melted ice cream off the tips of her fingers. 

“We could watch a movie,” Kelley suggests. “See if anyone else wants to. We could just relax. I mean, aren’t you kind of tired from all these practices?”

Tobin wants to point out that they’re not even halfway through camp and if Kelley is tired, she’s got something else coming for her, but she figures that that’s not the point here. 

“A movie day sounds nice,” Tobin says slowly, letting her eyes catch Kelley’s. 

“Good,” Kelley says with a satisfied smile. “Are you playing tonight?”

“Yeah,” Tobin says. “I’m trying to get Cheney and ARod to play.”

“The coaches heard and banned us from using money, so we’re going using candy instead,” Kelley informs here. “Come prepared with your favorite individually packaged candy from the vending machine.”

With that she turns and leaves, leaving behind a cloud of confusion. 

Tobin thinks she’s turned on, but she’s not 100% sure.

She knows that she’d like to find out, though.

*

The next morning starts a little later than usual. Because it’s not a typical day, there’s no team breakfast and instead everyone is left to their own devices. Tobin joins Cheney and Amy for breakfast at a place not far from the hotel, refusing to change out of her sweats much to Lauren’s chagrin. Her and Kelley have already agreed to meet around a certain time, which means that Tobin isn’t in any hurry as she sips at her fancy latte and laughs with Cheney at how Amy won’t stop obsessing over her new crush. 

“You guys are making fun of me,” Amy says with a frown, picking at her plate. 

“It’s cute,” Tobin insists. “I just hope he likes you back.”

“So what are we doing today?” Cheney asks.

“Kelley and I are watching movies,” Tobin offers, and Amy immediately pulls a face. 

“Come on,” she says, “don’t you want to do something exciting with your day off?”

“I kind of just want to relax,” Tobin says with a shrug. “So does Kelley. We keep asking other people, but no one else wants to join.”

“Yeah, I mean no offense, but no one else is going to want to stay back at the hotel,” Amy tells her. 

“What about you?” Tobin asks, nodding at Cheney.

Lauren looks like she’s considering it for a second. 

“I think we’re going to go shopping with some of the other girls,” she says apologetically. “I’d invite you, but I’m pretty sure that’s not your thing.”

“Definitely not,” Tobin says. 

“Are you and Kelley really just going to watch movies all day?” Cheney asks, something about the doubtful look in her eyes makes Tobin’s face heat up. She does her best to disguise it, nodding enthusiastically. 

“You know Kelley, she’s always got stuff from home,” Tobin says. “This time she brought Finding Nemo and Mean Girls.”

“I love Mean Girls!” Amy exclaims.

“Yeah, but you don’t,” Cheney says, looking directly at Tobin. 

“I like Finding Nemo,” Tobin insists. “Besides, Kelley’s my friend. Can’t I hang out with her instead of you two?”

“I didn’t say that,” Cheney says in exasperation. “You’ve hung out with her a ton and I haven’t had a problem with it.”

“Are you jealous?” Tobin says, and she says it with a smile so Cheney knows she’s joking, but it’s still greeted with a frown. 

“No, I’m not,” Cheney says, shaking her head. “I’m just saying, it’s not like you hang out with only me and Amy. We’re not hogging you or anything.”

“Hang out with Kelley today, and with us on our next day off,” Amy suggests peacefully. “How does that sound?”

“Perfect,” Cheney says, but something in her tone betrays her words and amiable expression, and Tobin wonders what’s going on with her. 

Back at the hotel, Tobin knocks on Kelley’s door with a bit of anxious anticipation. She’s not an idiot – she knows why Kelley suggested movies. It’s well known that most of the girls hate being cooped up in the hotel, especially during free days, which meant that it was expected that most of them would want to spend the day out in the city. Staying back at the hotel almost guaranteed that they’d be alone, and after their talk yesterday, Tobin isn’t stupid enough to think that they’ll be doing nothing but watching cartoon movies all day.

When Kelley opens the door, it’s with a furrowed brow and an immense amount of distraction. 

“So I know I said I had Finding Nemo, but the case is empty,” she says, whining slightly as she waves the DVD in Tobin’s face, nearly clocking her in the nose. 

“Well, what else do you have?” Tobin asks, stuffing her hands in her sweat pockets so Kelley can’t see them shaking with nerves. 

“Mean Girls and The Notebook,” Kelley says miserably as Tobin closes the door behind them. “Both of which I know you don’t want to watch.”

“Mean Girls is funny,” Tobin says encouragingly. “And I mean, I’ve never seen The Notebook, so who knows if I’ll hate it?”

Kelley gasps, swooping up a DVD case and holding it to her chest dramatically. 

“You’ve never seen The Notebook?” she says in mock outrage. “But Tobin, it’s a classic!”

“Not really my thing,” Tobin points out. “I think I’ve caught bits and pieces from my mom and sisters watching it around the house, though.”

“It’s a cinematic masterpiece,” Kelley says dramatically, twirling around in a circle with the case still held against her. 

“Why don’t you make sure it’s in there first?” Tobin says, and Kelley stops long enough to send her a glare before cracking open the case to check. 

“It’s here,” she says. “So what do you say? Movie and room service later?”

“Sure,” Tobin says, only rolling her eyes a little. Kelley is a little ridiculous with all of this, but Tobin is secretly a little impressed with how well everything has worked out so far. Kelley has promised that her roommate will be gone for most of the day – something she’d discovered under the guise of inviting her to their mini movie marathon – and seeing as how she’s the only other one with a key to the room, it all seems good to go. 

But Tobin has never done this before. She’s kissed people before, yeah, but she’s never really committed to hours in someone’s company with the express purpose of kissing them. Then, of course, there’s the part of Tobin that’s more than a little afraid of what Kelley is expecting to happen between them. She’s not sure how much farther Kelley wants to go, how much farther Kelley thinks they’re going to go, even how much farther she wants to go herself. The two of them had talked, but not about this. 

So twenty minutes or so into the movie, Tobin coughs and attempts to steal Kelley’s attention away from the movie. It’s not easy – she’s watching raptly, barely blinking as she takes in a movie she’s already seen before. 

Tobin doesn’t know how she has the attention span for that, honestly. 

“Kell,” she finally says, when she can no longer feasibly clear her throat without feeling ridiculous. They’re both sitting on Kelley’s bed but as far apart as they can, comfortable but tension obviously keeping them apart for the time being. 

“Hm?” Kelley hums in response, eyes still glued to the screen. 

“He’s not that hot,” Tobin comments, and that gets Kelley’s attention. She looks at Tobin disapprovingly.

“That’s only because you’d rather kiss a girl than him,” she says dismissively. 

Tobin feels something run through her at the casual remark, because she thinks Kelley might be right. 

“Speaking of kissing,” she segues, “what are we doing here?”

“Watching a movie,” Kelley says obviously, and Tobin gives her a look. 

“Fine, fine,” Kelley says, turning her body towards Tobin who does the same. Kelley is sitting cross legged while Tobin lounges back against the headboard. “I thought we agreed on this already. We’re going to kiss again.”

“Yeah, but like,” Tobin struggles with the words, not knowing how to say what she’s thinking without coming off as totally lame and weird. She doesn’t want to scare Kelley away. “Is that all we’re doing?”

Kelley suddenly looks very intrigued by what Tobin has to say. 

“Do you want to do something else?”

“Knock it off,” Tobin says, rolling her eyes and trying to be strong here. “Why don’t you just tell me what you want here? What exactly do you want to do with me?”

Kelley looks at her thoughtfully. 

“Tobin.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way or anything,” Kelley says casually, “but you’re kind of hot.”

“Oh,” Tobin says, a little surprised and taken aback. “Um, thanks. I guess.”

“It’s meant as a good thing,” Kelley says, looking both vaguely amused and annoyed.

“I mean, you are too,” Tobin says, fighting to not stutter or anything. “I figured that we both thought that, though. That’s why you kissed me, right? And that’s why I kissed you back.”

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” Kelley says, motioning between them. “And I figure that you haven’t either. So we like, don’t have to do anything that we’re not comfortable with.”

“Right,” Tobin says, nodding slowly. “That makes sense. I agree with that.”

“But I figured we could just try this out and see what happens,” Kelley says with a shrug. “If you just want to kiss me, that’s fine. If you want more than that, that’s fine too. It’s up to you.”

Something about hearing that makes Tobin feel confident instead of embarrassed. 

“We don’t have to plan it all out,” she tells Kelley. “I guess I was just wondering where your head was at.”

“I’m up for whatever you are,” Kelley says, and Tobin takes in how she’s nearly buzzing with enthusiasm. Kelley has never really been one for sitting still, but she’s nearly bouncing on the bed with the way she keeps readjusting the way she’s sitting. 

“I want to kiss you,” Tobin confesses. It feels big, even though it’s nothing they haven’t gone over already. “And then take it from there.”

“I’m okay with that,” Kelley says eagerly, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“Just maybe stop moving?” Tobin suggests, holding back a laugh as she tries to picture kissing Kelley while she’s like this, a bundle of nerves and raw energy. 

“Oh,” Kelley says, forcing herself to remain still. “You meant now?”

“Well you didn’t really think I was interested in watching this movie, did you?” Tobin teases, and from there it’s easy to lean forward and hold a hand to Kelley’s jawline, guiding their mouths together. It’s awkward, the way they’re both sitting on the bed and yet leaning in towards each other, but they make it work. Their kisses feel like practice, like they’re getting to know each other and ease into this strange situation they’ve found themselves in. Lips press together and Kelley’s hand finds Tobin’s shoulder, using it to balance on as she kisses harder. The pressure is almost funny to Tobin, but that might be due to the fact that her back is starting to ache in this position and she’s secretly wondering how to readjust them without making things weird. 

Kelley is the one who does it, the one who breaks away from the breathless kiss to gasp at Tobin’s confused face and push at her shoulder.

“I’m getting a dead arm,” Kelley tells her, shaking out the hand she’d had planted on the mattress. 

“Lay down,” Tobin suggests. 

“Yeah?” Kelley asks, eye lighting up with way too much interest.

“Lay down,” Tobin says, and this time she’s telling her instead of asking her, and the way Kelley listens right away does something to Tobin’s insides. Seeing Kelley squirm around as she tries to get comfortable is pleasing, and Tobin watches as her hair spills on the pillow under her head and she vaguely wonders what it would feel like between her fingers. Tobin isn’t exactly sure of what she’s doing, but she figures it will all come to her naturally enough as she keeps on going. She focuses on the steady up and down of Kelley’s chest as she breathes, eyes locked on Tobin as she crawls over her with all fours on the bed. 

Once she’s there, Tobin pauses. This feels predatory, as if it’s serious and real. It’s jarring because instead of a fun thing between friends, it’s become something that is serious turning Tobin in a way she doesn’t think she’s ever experienced before despite the fact that barely anything has happened yet. Suddenly, everything Kelley has said makes sense, and Tobin wondered if this was all she needed to catch up to her. 

“Kiss me,” Kelley begs, once Tobin has waited a touch too long to do anything. Hearing her ask like that is thrilling and does wonders for Tobin’s confidence, making it easy for her to lower herself and kiss Kelley, careful at first to keep their bodies away from each other. The dynamic is one that they’re still struggling to sort out, with Kelley instinctively attempting to take the lead while Tobin tries to remind her who they’ve agreed is in charge today. Kelley kisses forcefully but Tobin pushes back, kissing her into the mattress and refusing to allow Kelley to sneak her tongue into her mouth no matter how hard she tries. 

“Stop it,” Tobin murmurs against Kelley’s lips, pulling away for a few seconds as she carefully lowers her hips, landing them on the very tops of Kelley’s thighs and feeling her inhale sharply as a result. “You told me this was up to me, remember?”

“I didn’t know you were going to torture me by withholding your extremely talented tongue,” Kelley whines. 

It’s enough to boost Tobin’s ego, enough to get her to kiss Kelley again but with a new sense of excitement. This feels good and it’s thrilling, the way she can easily work Kelley’s mouth open with hers and slip her tongue in alongside hers. It sends shivers down her spine, but maybe that’s a result of Kelley’s hands finding purchase on her hips. Kelley grips rightly and Tobin kisses harder, tasting Kelley and wondering if this could slowly drive her crazy. It feels amazing and her head is cloudy yet clear, like she knows exactly what she’s doing but has no idea what’s going on outside of the kiss. 

Eventually, they settle into each other. They kiss and kiss and kiss, seemingly never tiring of it. Kelley still squirms under her as she grips her hips and then her waist and then hips again, fingers playing with the hem of Tobin’s top but never even hinting at moving beyond that. Tobin rests on an elbow, the hand of the other arm switching between cradling Kelley’s face and smoothing along her side. She’s not necessarily a restless person, chill enough to be able to handle idle static when it’s called for, but this is one instance in which she can’t get enough motion. It’s like soccer, drawing out Tobin’s passion and driving her forward in way that she’s powerless to. 

Tobin is passionate about this, about kissing a girl and listening to all the little noises she makes. It’s Kelley, sure, but it’s about more than that. It’s about the way she whimpers when Tobin bites her lip and then pulls away, only to return and kiss her but a second later. It’s about the way she moans when Tobin presses her hips into her, stretching out her legs and letting her weight fall into the body below her. It’s about the way she slides a hand from her cheek into her hair, feeling soft and silky strands against her fingertips before running them through the never-ending length of them. 

It’s when Tobin’s hand makes its way back to Kelley’s side and starts wandering that she pauses. Kelley is running her hands along the gently muscled slope of Tobin’s back when it happens, and Tobin is so lost in the feminine yet solid curves of Kelley’s figure that she almost forgets that they haven’t exactly set any boundaries here. Even if she thinks that this is what Kelley wants, it feels wrong to take without asking. 

Besides, with what she’s feeling, Tobin’s afraid of getting ahead of herself. This is how she hears things happen. It starts with making out, and next thing she knows, people have lost their pants and their inhibitions and there’s no returning from where things have gone. 

So she pauses, slowly ending the kiss with a serious of slow, sloppy ones. Kelley chases her mouth, whining low in her throat when it becomes clear what Tobin is trying to do. It feels like things are over before they’ve really started, despite the fact that they’ve been kissing for so long that Tobin’s lips almost feel numb from repeated use. 

“Let’s take a little break,” Tobin says, breathing unevenly. 

“Why?” Kelley asks with a pout, one that Tobin is quickly becoming immune to – not that it ever worked on her to begin with. 

“Because I need one,” Tobin explains. “I want a break and a snack and then I want to touch your boobs.”

Saying it aloud is different than thinking it, and it shocks herself and Kelley, who looks at her with surprise. She doesn’t seem opposed to the idea, nodding along with the suggestion as her expression settles into one that’s very impressed. 

“Yeah,” Kelley says, running her fingers through her messy hair. “Yeah, let’s try that.”

Tobin almost regrets the extended pause as she moves back to her side of the bed, but the sight of Kelley’s red and swollen lips make it worth it. 

Besides, it’s just a little break. They’ll come back to this. Because really, Tobin is just getting started here.


	3. the one with the poker game

No matter how much they’re told, they never take to heart the warning about how their bodies won’t be like this forever. How one day all the junk food will catch up to them and they’ll have to make an effort to stay in shape. They all ignore the advice, well-intentioned but falling upon deaf ears, in favor of another bag of candy or another slice of pizza. Besides, Tobin thinks as she gets rid of the evidence of the order of mozzarella sticks Kelley had ordered them, it’s not as though she’s ever been hyper focused on what she looks like. 

Until now. And even now, she’s not too worried. She knows she looks good, and Kelley doesn’t even seem a little anxious as she sits up straight and stretches her arms above her head. Tobin cracks her knuckles, almost as a reflex, as she looks over at the bed with its wrinkled covers on top of which Kelley sits casually, eyes wide and expecting and focused on Tobin. 

“So,” Kelley says. “Boobs.”

“Shut up,” Tobin says, rolling her eyes and walking around to where Kelley is sitting. 

“You’re the one who said it,” Kelley says with a smirk. “I mean, you thought of it first so you must obviously want it.”

“Like you don’t want to touch mine,” Tobin counters, and the whole thing feels simultaneously juvenile and mature, like they’re straddling the line between the two. It’s silly, to talk about it like this, but they’re talking about adult things here. What they’re doing makes Tobin feel like she’s growing up, finally acting her age. Even though she’s been aware of what other kids would get up to, and even though it never really bothered her to be a bit of a late bloomer, it’s nice to be experiencing it. 

More than nice, really. 

“Hey, you’re the one who said it,” Kelley says, holding her palms up in surrender. “Not me.”

“Are you planning on keeping your hands to yourself then?” Tobin asks, and she can feel the spark of a challenge as Kelley’s eyebrows raise thoughtfully. 

“I bet I could,” she says slowly, like she’s contemplating it. 

“I bet you my shirt that you can’t keep your hands to yourself,” Tobin says, and Kelley goes for it instantly. 

“Like it comes off if I can?” Kelley clarifies, and Tobin nods. “So what if I can’t? I’d be taking it off anyway.”

“Look at that, Kelley wants to take my shirt off,” Tobin teases. 

Kelley turns pink underneath her freckles. 

“Fine,” she says, shrugging and trying to keep cool. “If I keep my hands to myself, you take off your shirt. Sounds like a deal.”

From there Tobin feels confident enough to kneel on the bed above Kelley, half in her lap as her head tilts down to kiss her. It’s almost like second nature at this point, to kiss her softly with hints of tongue to tease before Kelley gets frustrated and pushes harder for more. Instead of relenting, instead of opening her mouth and letting Kelley in. It’s fun like this, and it makes Tobin smile against Kelley’s mouth so that she has to regroup and focus before diving back in and taking Kelley’s bottom lip between hers. 

Meanwhile, Kelley’s hands stay stationary at her sides. It’s the complete opposite of Tobin’s, which can’t seem to settle down. They flutter from Kelley’s waist to her shoulders to her hair to the back of her neck, moving constantly. She’s a little nervous, just about reaching another milestone in this whole little thing they have going on. But the way that Kelley feels under her, so soft and willing, makes it a little easier to go ahead with this.

She starts slow, a hand curving around Kelley’s ribcage. Her fingers shake but only just barely, and Tobin hates how much she wants this. She thought about this while they were apart, while she was thinking about what it means to want girls and everything that comes along with that. Tobin thought about this, about slowly sliding her tentative fingertips along the cotton of Kelley’s t-shirt and feeling the bottom edge of her bra, the part where it gets thick and covers wire. It’s nerve wracking but Tobin just pulls back from the kiss, breathing in steadily as she focuses on what she’s doing here. 

Never before has she put as much thought into anything. Everything with Kelley, every moment of exploration and learning is full of thought and consideration and, quite frankly, it’s getting exhausting for Tobin. She’s not used to thinking this hard, not used to struggling against the flow of things for what she wants. It seems worth it though, mostly because she wants it so bad, so Tobin focuses and slowly slides her fingers up and over the upwards slope of Kelley’s breast. 

It’s easy, to let her hand cover the cup of Kelley’s bra over her shirt. What’s not easy is dealing with Kelley’s sharp intake of breath, and the look on her face when Tobin dares to take her eyes off her own left hand. Kelley’s cheeks are flushed and she’s biting her bottom lip, eyes unusually bright with something that Tobin can’t identify. Her hair is a mess – she’d tried sorting it out earlier after Tobin had ruined it thoroughly during their little make out session but it seems it was pointless – and the entire sight is glorious, going straight to Tobin’s head and filling her with a sort of quietly cocky confidence that she’s doing this, and might not even be half bad at it. 

So Tobin swallows hard and keeps going, going, until she’s fully cupping the impossibly soft swell of Kelley’s chest in her hand. They keep their eyes locked for some reason that Tobin doesn’t understand, and Kelley doesn’t breathe at all as Tobin holds her hand still for several lingering seconds. 

But then – 

“Move your hand before I move it for you.”

Kelley speaks the words through her teeth, through a heavy tongue and pleading tone and desperate low vibrations that Tobin feels in every part of her. Only then does the look in Kelley’s eyes make sense – she’s turned on, the same way Tobin is, only she’s doing a much poorer job of controlling it. It’s reassuring to know that she’s not the only one feeling like that, like there’s so much want coursing through her veins, and it gives Tobin the strength to go ahead and move her hand so Kelley’s can stay at her sides. 

After all, Tobin kind of wants Kelley to win their little bet. She’s competitive as hell, sure, but she also kind of really wants to lose her shirt sooner rather than later. 

Tobin squeezes lightly, testing the waters. Her eyes flit between Kelley’s face and her own hand, watching the way Kelley’s feminine breast looks in her sizeable hand. The bra gives it a firmness that Tobin doesn’t want – she wants soft and vulnerable, raw and forgiving instead of covered and shaped. But she leaves that thought for now and tells herself that they can come back to that, maybe when they’re both not still merely ankle-deep in this unfamiliar ocean. Sure, they’ve dipped their toes in, but there’s so much further for the both of them to go. 

This is a good place to keep going. They’ve already started, but each step is important and Tobin isn’t going to undermine that by rushing or skipping ahead. So she massages gently, all the while in awe of what she’s doing and how Kelley looks while it’s happening. It’s easy to take her time, overcome with want in a way that makes time slow down so she can take in every detail of what she’s doing. It’s funny, how much attention she pays to Kelley’s breast, when normally she isn’t one for paying attention to much of anything. Something about the situation reminds Tobin of what it’s like to worship something, to dedicate her time and effort to a single thing. 

It’s worth Kelley’s reactions: the way she gasps and tries to hide it, the way she lets out a low moan while arching into Tobin’s hold, the way she pants when Tobin goes harder and stops being so gentle. It’s still worship, just a more fervent kind that has Kelley’s head tilting backwards and exposing a sparsely freckled column of neck that Tobin doesn’t want to resist. So she doesn’t, not even bothering to ask before she leans forward, a sort of awkward balancing act that has her pressing roughly against Kelley’s chest while almost completely eliminating the space between them so she can kiss down the pale skin. 

“Oh, Tobin,” Kelley says, her voice weak and nearly cracking as she continues to fall further into the pillows behind her. “Tobin, can I use my hands yet?”

“I don’t know,” Tobin mumbles against Kelley’s neck. “What were you planning on doing with them?”

“I’d rather show you,” Kelley says, throaty and shaky. “Can I touch you yet?”

Hearing that does things to Tobin that she’s never experienced before, and she has to pause for a moment and shake the lightheadedness off. 

“Yeah, you can,” Tobin finally says, going back to Kelley’s neck and squeezing her hand aggressively before she can possibly get distracted. She brings up her other hand to Kelley’s other breast, and she isn’t sure she’s ever felt anything better in her life. Kelley moans and pushes into Tobin’s grasp, but still has the presence of mind to bring her own hands up to Tobin’s sides, clenching at t-shirt and pushing it up so she can rest bare hands on bare skin. Her hands feel like fire and Tobin is now the one gasping, gasping against Kelley’s neck and wondering if this is too much, or if it’s just right.

She thinks it might be just right. 

So she lets her shirt be pulled up slowly, with Kelley’s fingertips heavy and yet light against her ribcage. Kelley goes until she reaches the sports bra Tobin’s wearing, and from there they share a serious look before reaching an agreement where they temporarily separate in order to divest Tobin of her shirt completely. From there, it’s a full ten seconds of staring and heaving chests and not touching until Kelley swears loudly. 

“Kelley,” Tobin says, hating how she sounds like she’s scolding her, even while breathless and topless. 

“What?” Kelley asks innocently, looking at Tobin with heavy lids and soft lashes. She blinks slowly, eyes quickly returning to Tobin’s chest, traveling down her abdomen and to her waistband unabashedly and just drinking it all in. “You look like…really hot.”

It’s blunt and silly and yet somehow it does things to Tobin, things that she’s only barely thought of experiencing so far, and she thinks that she can’t be blamed for closing the gap between them to kiss Kelley feverishly, tongues quickly finding each other as Kelley responds with just the perfect amount of enthusiasm. 

From there it all disintegrates, any semblance of control they had getting quickly tossed to the side in favor of touching each other. Tobin slips a hand under the neckline of Kelley’s shirt to grope at the soft cotton of her bra while Kelley’s hands slide down to Tobin’s rear, squeezing firmly so that Tobin’s making sounds into Kelley’s mouth that she doesn’t have the presence of mind to be embarrassed by. Kelley’s hands aren’t afraid in the least, pulling Tobin in by her ass until they’re falling into each other, limbs tangled and knocking together awkwardly in a way that gets ignored in favor of continuing on. 

She’s really not sure how it happens. She’s not sure how she winds up flat on the bed with Kelley on top of her, straddling her leg and kissing lightly above the edge of her plain gray sports bra while Tobin holds her head there, fingers tangled in hair that’s beyond saving at this point. It’s too much and not enough and Tobin wonders if this is how it always feels, so intense like it could kill her and yet somehow save her all at the same time. It’s so physical, so raw and eager and without any kind of pretense. They’re both on the same page here and maybe that’s the best part – they have the same expectations. 

But Tobin knows that going any further than this isn’t expected, and she’s feeling overwhelmed. There’s so much going on and she needs a moment to herself, a moment to figure out where she wants to go with this. As amazing as it feels to have Kelley pressed into her, she needs to clear her head and this isn’t the way to do that. So she slowly pulls Kelley head up so they can face each other, and the look of lust in Kelley’s eyes is nearly enough to change Tobin’s mind. She stays strong though, watching the way Kelley bites her own bottom lip as she realizes what’s going on. 

“Time out,” Kelley says slowly, hoarsely. 

Tobin nods, and Kelley sits up. She’s still on top of Tobin and it’s distracting, but in a minor way. Tobin watches as Kelley straightens out her shirt and attempts to run her fingers through her hair, face curving into a grimace as she gets stuck and realizes there’s nothing short of a shower that will fix the mess Tobin has created. 

“We play soccer,” Kelley says after a minute, meeting Tobin’s eyes. “We don’t get time outs.”

“We’re also trying about a million new things,” Tobin points out. “Might as well figure out what it’s like to be able to call a time out when we need one.”

Kelley looks like she wants to argue with that, but she just sighs heavily before slowly swinging her legs over to the side, one by one, in a manner that has Tobin tensing her jaw and reminding herself of why they’re doing this. It’s for the best right now, she thinks, as Kelley hands over her shirt so she can put it back on. They’ve made plenty of progress for one day, and she thinks that it’s best to leave it at that. 

“How long do you think the movie has been over?” Kelley asks, nodding at the tv featuring the menu for the movie that they’d never really been watching in the first place. 

“A while, probably,” Tobin says. “I didn’t want to see it anyway.”

“I didn’t think you did,” Kelley said with a shrug, getting up and walking over to eject the disc. “Want to pick something you actually care about?”

So they pick another movie and settle in to watch it, except this time they stay on opposite side of Kelley’s bed and don’t make a single move to get closer to each other. It’s still comfortable – they still feel like friends, like they’ve known each other for as long as they have. It’s nice, and Tobin thinks that maybe she made the right choice in all of this after all.

*

And so that’s how it goes for the next week or so while they’re in camp. Kelley and Tobin steal ten or twenty minutes where they can, making out and slipping hands up shirts. Tobin refuses to go under Kelley’s bra, and Kelley wastes no time in covering Tobin’s chest with her own hands. It’s fun and exciting, stealing time when and where they can and then going back to sitting apart at dinner. Most of the time Tobin sits with Cheney and Amy and it’s good to spend time with them, now that the giant weight of uncertainly has been lifted from her shoulders. If Cheney notices a change she doesn’t say anything, but she does start to accept Tobin’s invitations to hang out with everyone late at night. It’s more fun with her and Amy around anyway.

It’s hard to get extended periods of time alone together, especially since Tobin can’t chance being in her room in case Cheney walks in unannounced. Kelley’s roommate is a little more likely to be gone, but Tobin is still too scared of them being walked in on to do much at all. So it all comes down to their last day together, which happens to be their last full day at camp before they all return home together. It’s strange because Tobin is simultaneously anxious about they would do next, but also excited to maybe get Kelley’s bra off. 

Hey, it’s all about the small things in life. 

But their movie day plans are ruined when Amy decides she isn’t feeling well and wants to stay back. Of course, that then leads to Cheney staying behind and well, Tobin can’t very well remain cloistered in Kelley’s room without them knowing. So they all make plans to hang out in Tobin and Cheney’s room, armed with tissues for Amy and a deck of cards to entertain them while rain beats down on the window. It’s loud and Tobin hates it, because if she can’t be stripping Kelley’s clothes off of her upper body, she’d rather be kicking a ball around – something that Cheney won’t let her do in the room. She’s feeling squirmy and impatient, and it doesn’t take Cheney long to pick up on it. 

Of course, nothing is said. They laze around in sloppy buns and pajamas, Amy bundled up in a hoodie as she hacks up a lung and whines about the boy back at college. She misses him, apparently, something Tobin can only barely relate to as she glances at Kelley and wishes they were making out instead of letting Cheney swindle more and more of their candy from them with every round of poker they play. 

“Let’s play 21,” Kelley suggests, clearly frustrated with losing. 

“Do you think you’re going to magically start winning just because we switch games?” Tobin asks, attempting to balance her squatting form on a soccer ball for the millionth time. She knows she can do it if she tries, she’s been practicing all camp, but she’s trying to do it with her cards in her hands which is no small feat. 

“I think that I’m going to magically break your neck if you keep doing that,” Kelley snaps as she pushes her baby hairs out of her face. 

“Calm down, guys,” Amy says, her voice comical as she speaks through her stuffy nose. It makes it impossible to keep a straight face, something that clearly doesn’t amuse Kelley as Tobin bursts into laughter and falls hard off the ball and onto to thinly carpeted floor. 

“I don’t need to calm down,” Kelley says loudly, face turning red as she slams her cards down on the floor. “I need Cheney to hurry up and decide if she’s going to raise me another ten Starbursts I don’t have so I can go ahead and fold.”

Cheney looks up from her cards, her expression mild as she meets Kelley’s glare. 

“I’m going to fold, actually,” she says calmly, setting her cards down face up to show that she actually does have an excellent hand. 

Kelley’s face only turns redder, but then it’s Amy’s turn and there’s not much to complain about for the time being. 

They switch to 21, growing bored of traditional poker, and Kelley proves slightly more successful at that, but so do Tobin and Amy and it’s hard for Kelley to try and win her candy back. Kelley’s frustration only grows more and more obvious – clearly, as Tobin isn’t the type to typically register such things – and when Tobin wins her third round in a row, it’s the final straw.

“I’m just going to leave,” Kelley says, practically fuming from the ears. “I mean, what’s the point in staying?”

“Come on, Kelley,” Tobin says, maybe a little too casually. “It’s just a game.”

“Says the most competitive person in the room,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. 

“Hey, we’re all competitive here,” Amy says with a frown. 

Cheney pokes Tobin in the knee to get her attention, and when she looks up with a questioning expression on her face, Cheney jerks her head in Kelley’s direction. 

It’s not very specific, but it gives Tobin enough of an idea to go on. 

“Hey, Kelley,” Tobin says, reaching out a hand to touch her thigh gently. “Want to take a time out? Maybe go for a little walk?”

Kelley inhales deeply with her eyes closed, and when she opens them, she only looks a little less upset than before. 

“Okay,” she says, but it’s short and she doesn’t even wait for Tobin before getting up and heading towards the door, almost letting it slam shut behind her. Tobin catches it with her fingertips, taking a moment to glance back and exchange a wary look with Cheney before heading on to follow Kelley. 

She’s stalking off down the hallway, and Tobin jogs a little to get to her. 

“Hey, Kell – “ she tries, catching Kelley by the sleeve of her hoodie. 

“Don’t you fucking touch me,” Kelley says, whirling around with fire in her eyes in a way that almost scares Tobin. 

But then she’s being pushed up against a wall and Kelley’s kissing her hard, her teeth nipping and bruising as Tobin tries to comprehend what’s happening, tries to figure out how she got here, how this is her life. Thankfully her mind catches up quickly, and she pushes Kelley away with a giant inhale of breath and a narrowed glare. 

“What was that?” Tobin asks, wiping at her mouth. “Kelley, I’ll kiss you anytime you want, but not like that.”

“Just let me kiss you,” Kelley pleads. “I really need it right now.”

So Tobin gives in, and it must show on her face as Kelley tentatively leans in again. Tobin goes ahead and closes the remaining distance between them, kissing Kelley cautiously, afraid of being taken aback again. From there it’s simple and familiar to ease into it, more intense than usual but nothing they haven’t done before. It has Tobin breathless soon enough, panting for air but refusing to break the kiss, not when they finally feel truly alone for the first time in a while. Kelley’s tongue is near relentless, licking into Tobin’s mouth with a ferocity that can’t be tamed, and Tobin responds by pulling Kelley’s hips into hers, fingers digging into the small of her back and pushing up her hoodie to feel the soft skin above the waistband of her leggings. 

It’s relatively jolting to see how easily the two of them have fallen into this. It’s gotten so familiar so fast, and Tobin can’t help but moan loudly as Kelley wedges a thigh between Tobin’s. They’re nearly the same height which makes things almost too easy, almost too easy for Kelley to push her solid upper thigh against the apex of Tobin’s legs and coax noises out of her that neither of them have heard before. It’s rough but Tobin wants it, wants more of it. Refusing to break the kiss, Tobin responds by pulling Kelley into her even more, if that’s even possible, before moving a hand around to Kelley’s front. 

She’s never been so thankful for zip-up hoodies, wasting no time in pulling at Kelley’s zip and momentarily pulling her head back to whisper out a strangled “Is this okay?”

Kelley nods frantically, and then they’re kissing again before Tobin’s undoing the jacket to the bottom and slipping in a hand to brush up along her abdominals in the most unrefined manner. From there it’s quick, pushing up the aged, loose elastic of the bottom band of her sports bra, fingertips instantly coming into contact with impossibly soft skin. Kelley inhales silently, stomach contracting and body tensing for a long second before relaxing again. She’s still kissing Tobin hard, and while normally Tobin would find it distracting, it’s the only thing fueling her onward and keeping her from chickening out. 

Tobin doesn’t think there’s a better feeling in the world than a breast in her hand. Kelley’s nipple is flat at the moment, the only sign of it being a minute difference in texture against Tobin’s palm as the feels the full weight of it in her hand, but as soon as Tobin starts awkwardly squeezing, it comes to life. It rises and hardens and Tobin brushes a thumb over it, only barely aware of how she’s bearing down on Kelley’s thigh while she marvels at what she’s doing. She rocks her hips against Kelley’s leg and can’t stop feeling Kelley’s nipple, is instantly obsessed with how it feels. It’s hard and soft and Tobin wants her mouth on it, but she’s doing this within the confines of Kelley’s hoodie and they’re in a hotel hallway and Cheney is probably wondering what they’re up to and they can’t keep doing this, not like this. 

So she breaks away again, pulling her hand out from under Kelley’s sports bra abruptly and trying not to panic. 

“Cheney’s going to come looking for us,” she manages to say, shaky and wavering as she wipes at her mouth again with the back of her hand. “Do you think you can play nice now?”

Kelley looks lost, standing there like she’s frozen with her swollen lips and askew hoodie. It’s a tempting sight – Tobin honestly just wants to strip her of all her clothes and get her mouth on every freckle there is – but they have to resist, at least for now. 

“Yeah, I can,” Kelley says, finally righting herself. She adjusts her bra and fixes her hoodie, and aside from the flush in her cheeks and the state of her mouth, there’s no indication at all of what went on. 

“This is the last of it,” Tobin warns her. She hates herself for saying it, but she needs to set these boundaries for herself as much as she needs to set them for Kelley. “No more for now. You leave early tomorrow and then we don’t have camp for a few months.”

“So we pick up where we left off,” Kelley says as they begin walking down the hallway, shrugging nonchalantly, like this isn’t an issue at all. The way she handles it has the tension evaporating out of Tobin’s shoulders. “We go back home and live our lives and then we’ll see each other at cam again, and if we still want to, we pick up from here.”

“I like that,” Tobin says, already breathing easier. “I like that a lot.”

“Me too,” Kelley says with a warm smile, and they head into the room with smiles on their faces. 

If Cheney or Amy suspect anything, they don’t say anything. 

Instead, they play on, Kelley comes in dead last but doesn’t care, back to her usual laughing self. Tobin thinks about asking what was bothering her earlier – it can’t have been about them not being alone together, Tobin isn’t nearly narcissistic enough to think that everything is about her – but it never comes up and they never get a chance. Instead they all lay on the beds once they’re finished playing and they just talk and laugh, a perfect last day at camp despite the rain. 

Tobin falls asleep that night dreaming of feeling up faceless girls, of them touching her, of smooth skin and delicately pebbled nipples. She wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, prompting her to glance over to Cheney’s bed just to check that she’s dead asleep. 

She is.

They might be playing with fire, Tobin thinks as she tries to take deep, even breaths and restore her heart rate to normal, but it’s worth it. 

For now, at least.


	4. the one with the bracelet

It’s a strange feeling, being nervous. It’s not something that she typically experiences. No matter what she’s up to – whether she’s about to play in a big game, whether she’s waiting for another call up – Tobin doesn’t get nervous. It’s not in her nature. So when she starts fidgeting on her way to the hotel, she knows that she’s got to figure out a way to stop this. 

It’s only Kelley, she tells herself. She’s known Kelley for years and this shouldn’t change things. Just because it’s been a few months since they saw each other last, just because things like spring break have passed and Tobin’s tanner and stronger and signed to UNC, doesn’t mean that things between them won’t be the same. It’s only Kelley. The same Kelley who shows up to every camp with snacks from home in her suitcase and always shares her hair ties when Tobin needs one. It’s only Kelley, one of her closest friends since before she even knew what it was like to want to kiss someone. 

Besides, she reasons, they’d agreed to see where they were and decide what they wanted to do. There’s nothing wrong with what’s been going on. They’ve been discreet and casual, and if Kelley comes back to camp and still wants to make out with Tobin and feel her up whenever they get a chance, then so be it. 

It’s a short camp. Just a week, and everyone knows it’s the one that will decide the U20 World Cup roster. It’s just to check in and make sure that no one has been slacking off, and Tobin tells herself that if there’s anything worth being nervous about, it’s her chances of making that roster. The problem is though, that there’s no doubt in Tobin’s mind that she’ll make it. She knows she’s going to the World Cup. She knows she’s going to Russia. 

So really, all she has to worry about is Kelley and she hates it. Tobin gets to the hotel and fiddles with the string bracelet on her wrist, wondering how cold of her it would be to rip it off and get rid of the evidence. It was supposed to be a friendship bracelet, but getting rid of it might save another friendship. Then again, Kelley isn’t supposed to care about what happens outside of camp – so what’s the big deal?

There isn’t one, she tells herself, letting go of the faded string. Kelley doesn’t have to know. 

It’s typical for everyone to arrive in small groups or one by one, and Tobin is a little less than enthused about being one of the first people at camp. She takes her stuff to her room and then wanders down to the lobby where some of the other girls are hanging out, waiting for everyone else to arrive. Typically, it’s pretty easy to get lost in the cocoon that camp creates, the little bubble it forms to protect them from the outside world. But Tobin is having a hard time shaking things off right now, and the longer it takes Kelley to arrive, the more nervous she feels. 

She drinks too much Gatorade and makes too many trips to the bathroom, and when Casey asks about it, Tobin just makes a smart comment about being properly hydrated ahead of their first practice tomorrow. 

Cheney and Amy’s arrival calms her nerves minutely, and she lets the two of them tell her all about college while she listens quietly. She nods and laughs in all the right places, and for an hour or so, she feels at ease. 

Kelley is the second to last to arrive, a delayed flight to blame for her late appearance. Everyone has already eaten dinner and some people have already gone to bed, but Tobin stays down with Amy who can’t stop gushing about some buy – whether or not it’s the same one she was talking about during their last camp together, Tobin can’t tell. Cheney’s already gone to bed, and since Tobin’s not rooming with her this time, she figured it was fine to let her head up alone. But now that Kelley’s here, Tobin doesn’t want to see her. She wishes she could disappear, wishes that she’d gone up to her room already. She doesn’t want to deal with seeing her, with saying hi to her. She doesn’t think she can handle it. 

So she sinks down on the couch she’s sharing with Amy, letting her eyes droop as Amy lapses into silence. 

“Long day?” Amy asks, and it’s funny how she can be so silly yet motherly. 

“Yeah,” Tobin says with a yawn. “Probably should have gone to bed earlier.”

“We can head up if you want,” Amy offers. “I’m rooming with Casey so it’s not like I’ve got to worry about getting to bed before her because that’s going to happen anyway.”

Tobin laughs. 

“I’m with Allie, which should be interesting.”

“If you wait long enough, she might actually be done in the bathroom,” Amy suggests, and Tobin nods. 

“Maybe let’s give it a little longer then,” she suggests, and Amy smiles at her before sinking further down into the couch so they’re both slouched. 

Tobin figures that it might take Kelley a little while to get her room assignment and say hi to the other people who had decided to stick around, so she’s not expecting Kelley to pounce before she gets a chance to head up with Amy. It happens though, with Kelley standing over Amy with a smile so tired but so wide that it’s baffling. 

“Hey,” Kelley says, cheerful but clearly drained from her day. “Good to see you guys.”

“You too,” Amy says, smiling and leaning up so her and Kelley can hug each other. “How are you doing?”

“Just had one hell of a day,” Kelley says dramatically, the way she falls into Amy’s arms a dead giveaway for how exhausted she is. “I thought a later flight time would still be safe, but I wasn’t counting on that five-hour rain delay.”

“Rain delay,” Tobin muses, tucking her hands under her armpits, arms folded across her chest. 

“Yes, a rain delay,” Kelley says, pulling away from Amy to look at Tobin inquisitively. “Do I get a hug, or…”

She trails off, looking confused at Tobin doesn’t make any sign of moving. 

“I know you’re tired, but say hi,” Amy says, nudging Tobin’s leg. 

Tobin reluctantly opens her arms, letting Kelley in for a soft hug. She smells like the stale air of an airplane cabin, but there’s something about burying her face in the side of Kelley’s head and hair that reminds her of the last time they were close to each other. Something in Tobin’s stomach jerks at the memory, and she tries to shake it off as Kelley slowly draws back and straightens up. 

“Well, we should probably all go to bed,” Tobin says, sitting up and looking over at Amy. “It’s kind of late.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Kelley asks Tobin, a small smile on her face. “Are Amy and Cheney slowly sucking the fun out of you?”

“I’m offended,” Amy announces before yawning as she stands up and stretches. 

“Nah, I just want to be well rested for tomorrow,” Tobin says with a shrug as she stands up too. “Don’t you?”

Kelley bites her lip and looks at Tobin questioningly, but Tobin just shrugs again and starts off towards the elevator. 

*

Kelley doesn’t waste any time the next morning. They’re supposed to be having a quick breakfast, but Kelley corners Tobin before she can get to the food and forces her into a relatively deserted hallway so they can talk. Tobin doesn’t have energy or willpower to resist her, wondering if maybe they can ignore this all together.

“Why are you acting so weird?” Kelley hisses quietly. 

“I’m not,” Tobin says, but she knows she’s visibly uncomfortable and, well, Kelley isn’t an idiot.

“You are,” Kelley says stubbornly. “Either get over it or tell me why.”

Tobin spends a minute attempting to convince Kelley that nothing is wrong, but Kelley isn’t having it.

“Stop playing with that stupid bracelet or I’m going to cut your wrist off,” Kelley says harshly, voice growing in volume and attracting the brief attention of a couple of passerby. 

Tobin puts her hands at her sides, trying to stand still and figure out a way to get out of this. 

“I guess I’m just being stupid,” she says, hoping it might soften Kelley’s abrasive attitude. It doesn’t, however, and Tobin has to sigh and roll her eyes a little and brace herself to say what’s really going on. “Okay. So you know how we talked about picking up where we left off?”

“Yeah,” Kelley says just a little too quickly. “What about it?”

“Well, I just had a couple of questions about it,” Tobin says. 

“If you don’t want to, that’s okay,” Kelley says carefully, watching Tobin’s face closely. “You don’t have to feel weird about it. I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. I’m not a monster, you know.”

“No, I know,” Tobin says, shaking her head. “Listen, I want to. I really do.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“What exactly did you mean by, go back home and live our lives?” Tobin asks hesitantly. 

“Exactly that,” Kelley says, still eyeing Tobin in a very unnerving way. “What you get up to when I’m not around is up to you.”

“Um,” Tobin says, feeling flustered and nervous and a million other things she’s never felt before. “I don’t know if this was an okay thing to do or not.”

Kelley raises her eyebrows. 

“Tobin, what did you do?”

She sounds interested, something Tobin wasn’t expecting. It catches her off guard, and she fumbles with her words as she tries to get herself together. It’s just Kelley, after all. This shouldn’t matter at all. 

Except it does matter, because Tobin would really like to keep things going with her and she doesn’t want to mess this up. She wants to keep kissing Kelley among a myriad of other things – things she’s not quite ready to admit to anyone but herself yet. 

“I kind of went to my family’s vacation place for spring break,” Tobin starts, not sure where to look. Kelley’s expression is starting to feel intrusive, and Tobin catches herself reaching for the damn friendship bracelet again. “And there was this other family there.”

“Alright,” Kelley says, bemused. 

“There was a girl about my age,” Tobin says nervously, holding up her wrist. “She had a bunch of string and she made me a friendship bracelet.”

“Okay,” Kelley says, drawing the word out and squinting at the bracelet. “I mean, no offense, but that thing looks like it’s at the end of its life.”

Tobin figures that she’s got to just spit it out and get it over with.

“I might have kissed her a little.”

Kelley’s eyebrows shoot up even further, but she doesn’t look upset at all. Tobin waits with trepidation, wondering if Kelley’s mad at her.

“Did you just kiss her?”

“We made out once,” Tobin says, rushing over her words in a very uncharacteristic way. “It was late and we were in the water and no one else was around – but that was it. And I’m not sure that she liked it very much.”

“Well,” Kelley says, rubbing her chin. “Is that all?”

“Yeah,” Tobin says, praying that she’s not about to get chewed out or given the silent treatment here. Kelley seems way too calm. 

“Good for you,” Kelley says approvingly, and Tobin’s brows draw together in confusion. 

“What? You’re not upset?”

“Why would I be upset?” Kelley asks. “You kissed a girl. That’s major, Tobin. Props to you for pulling that off.”

It figures that Kelley would react like this, Tobin thinks as she rolls her eyes. She shouldn’t have been worried about her reaction at all. 

“I mean, I’d be pissed if you like, really hooked up with her or something,” Kelley continues. “I was kind of counting on us doing that together, if I’m going to be honest.”

“I kind of was too,” Tobin says. 

“Good,” Kelley says, looking rather pleased with herself. “Good to know.”

“So we’re still cool?” Tobin makes sure. 

“Duh,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “Tobin, kiss as many girls as you want. I don’t care. I’m not your keeper.”

A thought occurs to Tobin. 

“Did you – “

“Does it matter?” Kelley asks. And really, it doesn’t. “Now come on, let’s get something to eat. Or else we’re going to starve all day.”

“I was actually planning on trying to kiss you a little while we have the chance,” Tobin says, shrugging and looking around the hallway. “But if you want to go, that’s fine.”

Kelley pouts for half a second before sighing. 

“Fine,” she says, but it’s clear that she’s not sacrificing anything for this. “You can kiss me.”

Tobin doesn’t waste any time. 

Kelley’s lips still feel the same underneath hers, and Tobin kisses her while wondering how long they’re going to be able to get away with this.

*

It’s something she doesn’t consider too seriously until a couple of nights later when they’re all hanging out after dinner. Tobin keeps throwing gummy bears into everyone’s mouth, one by one in a sort of game that they’d all come up with. She’s laughing and feeling high on life in general, especially after managing to get some time alone with Kelley after lunch earlier. They’d just made out in the equipment room, their hands tight on each other’s asses, nothing monumental, but it had felt amazing. 

But then Casey says something flippant, something that Tobin doesn’t even really register until one of the other girls is clearing her throat and looking at Tobin expectantly instead of opening her mouth for the red gummy bear Tobin has in hand. 

“Did you want a different color?” Tobin asks, holding up the bag. “I kind of like the green, to be honest.”

“We were just wondering when you and Kelley decided you were too good to hang out with us,” Casey says, clearly only superficially annoyed. “I mean come on, I know we’re about to spend the next four years together, but you can still hang out with me at camp.”

“Oh,” Tobin says, lowering the bag and popping the gummy bear in her own mouth. She chews slowly, thinking and buying herself some time. 

“What’s wrong with us hanging out alone?” Kelley challenges. 

Another girl laughs. 

“I bet it’s embarrassing.”

“They’re probably just kicking the ball around, guys.”

“Casey’s just jealous, we all know that.”

The girls are all tittering and Tobin feels uncomfortable being the center of attention here, especially since she’s aware that her and Kelley have something to hide. 

Tobin shares a panicked look with Kelley, readjusting her knit beanie so she has something to do as everyone laughs and looks between the two of them. Kelley’s eyes widen, and Tobin worries for a second that she’s going to be honest about everything. 

“Tobin’s teaching me how to knit,” Kelley explains, easing the tension in Tobin’s shoulders. 

Someone snorts. 

“She’s really bad at it, actually,” Tobin says, watching Kelley mouth “you’re welcome” at her. “Horrible. Can barely get the hang of it.”

“You’re not that much better either,” Kelley retorts. “Kind of a shit teacher, actually.”

Tobin narrows her eyes at her, pelting her with an orange gummy bear. 

“Hey, play nice,” Kelley says after catching the bear with her mouth. “

“I should be telling you to play nice,” Tobin tells her. “You’re the one who keeps asking me for lessons.”

Kelley scowls at her and Tobin shrugs in return. 

Later on, Kelley catches Tobin alone for a brief moment. 

“Now you’re actually going to have to teach me how to knit,” Kelley says, completely unimpressed despite the fact that it was her who came up with the idea. 

“Just be glad that I managed to convince people that they didn’t want to join our lessons,” Tobin says darkly.

“I wouldn’t mind learning with a few other people,” Kelley says, wiggling her eyebrows. It’s Tobin’s turn to be unimpressed, rolling her eyes pointedly. “Fine. It is what it is. But you’re going to have to teach me something. Or at least make me a half finished hat to wave around at people.”

“I’m sure we can squeeze in a little knitting,” Tobin tells her. 

“But first,” Kelley says, her voice going low as she looks around them, making sure that no one is eavesdropping, “I’m kind of dying over here. A girl can only handle so much.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Tobin tells Kelley. “Listen, if you can figure something out, I’m game. It’s just a little difficult when we’ve both got roommates who can walk in at any time.”

“I’ll think of something,” Kelley says determinedly. “I mean, you’re nice to make out with and all, but like I said. Kind of dying.”

Tobin rolls her eyes for what feels like the millionth time.

“Goodnight, Kelley,” she says before they part ways for the time being. 

*

Tobin likes being at camp. She likes how every day is different from the previous, how sometimes they get rained out and sometimes they have indoor training and sometimes they just get to be on the field all day long. But some of her favorite days of all are the team bonding days. 

It’s the second to last full day of camp, and it’s clear that the coaches have taken note of the lack of days off so far. They announce in the morning a sort of scavenger hunt around town, something that has everyone perking up and paying attention despite the fact that most of them are still half asleep. There are lists and assigned groups, and Tobin is kind of bummed that she’s without Amy or Cheney, but she’s still excited. They’re told to meet in the lobby after breakfast, and then it’s a mad rush to finish eating so they can get started. 

Tobin is contemplating calling in a favor with Kelley – she’s not sure she currently has any, but surely Kelley can be convinced – so they can switch groups and Tobin can be with Cheney at the very least. Before she can though, Kelley corners her at the fruit station in a rather aggressive way. 

“Get out of this,” Kelley says, her lips barely moving as she speaks in a low voice. It feels a little ridiculous, like this is some sort of serious operation being set into motion. 

“What?” Tobin asks, confused. 

“Fake sick. Play dumb. Disappear. I don’t care what it takes. Just get out of this.”

It dawns on Tobin, leading to a long drawn out “oh” that makes Kelley roll her eyes. 

“I’m serious,” Kelley says. 

“I know,” Tobin says, nodding. “I mean, it’s not a bad idea.”

“It’s our only chance,” Kelley points out, and she’s right. Tomorrow is full of scheduled practices and it’s unlikely that they’ll find enough time in between to do any more than they’ve done yet. Tobin’s been pretty good at controlling herself so far, but that’s only because she’s both afraid of being caught and of making a fool out of herself. While the latter is likely something that will remain no matter the circumstances, the former can at least be rectified if everyone is out of the hotel in a mad dash to win a scavenger hunt in the name of glory. 

“I was kind of looking forward to bonding with everyone I don’t know here,” Tobin begins, and Kelley snorts. It’s not true at all, of course. All of the girls at camp have known each other for ages, and it’s not as though there’s anything left to learn about each other. “But I guess I can save that for another time.”

“Excellent,” Kelley says, smiling widely. “So you go and get out of this, and I’m going to meet you in your room within the next hour. Okay?”

“Okay,” Tobin says. 

She feels a little breathless, like she can’t believe they’re actually doing this. She never thought she’d be the type to skip a camp activity in favor of hooking up with one of her teammates, but that was before she was aware of the appeal of such an activity. Now that she knows, though?

Tobin isn’t missing this for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me about this at softanticipation.tumblr.com! it helps keep me motivated to write :)


End file.
